Laying it out

discrete/discreet [sic]- An imaginary adjective used by men (and presumably women) to increase their anonymity and ensure the anonymity of their online partner; it is almost never spelled correctly.

I've mentioned before that I am enrolled in S.C.A. (which is Sexual Compulsives Anonymous for those who are out of the loop). At the root of my problem is the internet. Growing up, sex was so easy to attain by just logging on to a chatroom (yeah, remember ICQ or mIRC or AOL when the AOL chatrooms were COOL?). At any rate, it developed in college to the point where I met many, many, many men (we're talking numbers to rival Blanche Devereaux). In fact, I used to rate and keep track of them all in my real, paper journal but I had to add a "plus or minus 4 for human error" disclaimer because I couldn't always keep track of how many. Yeah, and, oh, most of them were old, or weird, or just so not my type of guy-- but I would just be so ready for sex, you know so, again, I refer you to a former mantra of Homosexual Suspect: "Friction is friction; A hole is a hole is a hole is a hole."

I've been working on identifying my triggers and my focusing in on the real problem. In the meantime, I'm trying to cut my ties to online websites like the ones I've previously mentioned. However, and this is a very Manhattan-centric-for-New-Yorkers-only reference, but I blame my recent backsliding on Robin Byrd (http://www.robinbyrd.com). Damn her. You should be familiar with her if you live in Manhattan and have ever watched 10 pm local access. Basically, she's this crazy cracked-out woman who invites porn stars and local strippers (men and women) to come and show off (read: get ass-naked) for the viewers at home. I always hate it when she tells us to lie back and get comfortable. I don't know about women entirely, but I have yet to find a man who is comfortable with an erection. But I digress.

She always advertises for phone sex hotlines and I was always turned off by the idea until I quit online dating and had to find a new outlet. So I joined "The Number" and it has been a ridiculous endeavor. Basically, some guys are there to talk, some are there to get you to join a conference call orgy with their family members (yup, you read that right). Then there are hookers (more on that much later once we really get to know each other). But, mostly you just try and find a guy who wants to hook up and is serious enough about doing so that he'll call you "off the line." Just as in real life, it's always so hard to even get a guy to commit to go that far.

Now that I've gotten the backstory out of the way, here's my latest pickle. After apartment hunting in the SUBZERO temperatures this afternoon, I met two friends in Hell's Kitchen for brunch and bottomless mimosas. Hurrah! Well, afterwards, they headed back home and I planned to do a little shopping and head home. But, curiosity/my dick got the best of me and I checked in with "The Number". After chatting with numerous weird, short-of-breath men, I got a guy to call me back off the line who was, most conveniently, actually living in a building less then 5 minutes from the brunch cafe. So I went up to visit him and he is a prime cock shock example. He was a hot, worked out Asian guy with a great dick (FYI: 100% my type). We'll call him Oliver. We had a great time (a great three times actually), but then it gets complicated. I'd really like to see him again. Aside from even the sex, I'd still really like to get to know him and see if maybe something could come of it all. BUT, I lied and told him I was living in Boston and that I just visited New York (I have a certain anonymity to uphold, after all). So, I'm faced with the question: should I just tell him I lied and see if he's into the whole "full disclosure" thing?

See, most of these online dating-type guys are totally into being discrete/discreet and they never want to really get to know you or anything. But he really wants to get to know me and he seemed totally into me. I'd be into getting to know Oliver, but, as with all online hookups (and I count "The Number" among these), I never know how I'm going to introduce him to my friends/family. "Hi mom and dad, this is [insert screen name here] we met in a chatroom called 'hot anal pleasure'. Isn't he dreamy?" Also, even if we got in a relationship, would he still hook up with guys online? I know I did at one point.

Question of the day: Should I see if Oliver is worth it, or just cut my losses (and my phone line) and go back to my S.C.A. meetings?