Homosexual Suspect

A blog addressing the trials and tribulations of a real-life (mostly) gay sex addict. Designed to raise awareness of the reality of this disease, the goal is not to glorify or make light of a terrible affliction, but rather to candidly illustrate what it's like from my perspective. For sex addicts, sexual compulsives, romantic obsessives and the friends and family thereof. Title derived from the title of Jenny Garp's bestseller Sexual Suspect in John Irving's classic The World According to Garp.

Monday, May 29, 2006


"Hot, 24 yo, Straight-acting masc vgl guy"... ahh words that are repeated over and over on Craigslist day after day...

As I mentioned earlier in a post that generated some response from Stolie, I certainly have an opinion on the use of the term "straight-acting" or "bisexual" in describing oneself to a potential fuck buddy. Now, I myself am not "ultra-feminine or queeny," but I wouldn't say that I exude masculinity and gruffness, either. However, I did write a term paper on this phenomenon in college. It is all based on one small theory-- why is it hot for a potential fuck buddy to appear straight to another guy when obviously the two would never date?

Now, I realize that the obvious answer is most gay men don't want a relationship, and would rather fuck all day long as many times as they can. But this answer is also so pre-Brokeback Mountain and all those other "it's cool to be gay like Jake Gyllenhall" fads. This is when it seems all gay couples in the New York area suddenly starting walking hand in hand and making it utterly apparent that they were happy with their life partner/boyfriend/fuck buddy/daddy/little bro/slave/bear/twink/Chelsea boy/power bottom.

Then again... I think it's symptomatic of something much worse: gay-bashing within the gay community. It's almost like gay men end up hating other gay men who are feminine or queeny. Does this make sense? Of course it does. There is this kind of "inner group" hatred in every demographic you can imagine: I'm white but I hate white trash; I'm Bill Cosby but I hate thugs; I'm from West Virginia but I hate the hicks from Eastern Kentucky; I'm Samantha Jones but I hate other sluts.

In the gay community, there is literally a book describing just that. Sissyphobia is an excellent resource that offers a more expert opinion on how this dynamic works in the gay community. for a good laugh, you should check out Straightacting.com. I just went back to it for the first time since I wrote my paper three years ago, and found that it looks cooler, but had crashed recently. It used to have a feature where you could look at pictures of other guys and rate how "straight acting" they appeared. Yeah. You read that right. But, they describe themselves as "Masculinely Politically Incorrect," but I think a better description would be "Gay Politically Incorrect." Because they aren't warping the idea of masculine. They are trying to warp the idea of gay. And that's all fine by me.

You may recall from some of my previous posts that I don't really think there's anything wrong with specifying the type of guy you'd like in your online dating profile. If you want to sleep with a black guy because you like black guys, then why not say that and save other unsuspecting guys the time? Similarly, if you like young guys, even if you're 50, why not say that up front and save the other oldies who might want to get with you some time?

However, if you like masculine guys, then say just that-- because saying you like straight-acting guys makes you sound fucking retarded.


  • At 10:27 AM, Blogger Yid Erotica said…

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  • At 10:28 AM, Blogger Yid Erotica said…

    Check out my blog...if you dare!

  • At 3:35 PM, Blogger Dolly said…

    Off topic, but I have to tell you that a couple of your readers are rather disappointed that there have been no juicy posts having to do with Fleet week. Don't tell me you don't love men in uniform!

  • At 9:11 AM, Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK said…

    Great post.

    Not to sound like an idiot, but what is: VGL?

    Now, a couple of thoughts.

    (1) You're hot stuff, and you're plenty masculine.

    (2) But, isn't there a difference between straight-acting and bisexual? If bisexual people are attracted to men and women, what are "straight-acting men" -- closeted bisexuals?

    (3) I'm all about the "tell it like it is" style of dating. Say what you want and want what you say.

  • At 2:29 PM, Blogger buff said…

    You are one insightful dude. I totally agree with you. This bullshit about stringing guys along when a guy really is looking for a particular type is just wrong.

    Remember I am the guy who dropped his boyfriend when the boyfriend said that he couldn't find at least one appealing feature of any guy, while I think that you can.

    Big hugs and Happy Gay Pride Month.
    As always, I appreciate your comments and thoughts. All this diversity makes living a queer life always full of the unexpected, good or bad. You are one the good aspects of gay life. Keep it up.

  • At 6:09 AM, Blogger partygirljessica said…

    cool insights! i have a lot of gay friends too and i have huge respect for them. they're like your best girl friends without the catfight. there was this time that i was almost close to giving up dating. they told me to go to webdatedotcom and my dating experience has been good eversince.

  • At 6:14 AM, Blogger partygirljessica said…

    cool insights! you know i have a lot of gay friends and i have the biggest respect for them. they are like your girl best friends minus the catfight. there was a time i was close to giving up dating but they told me to try webdatedotcom and my dating experience just became smooth sailing ever since. :)

  • At 9:47 AM, Blogger Chris said…

    I see this behavior in my gay boy often. He'll constantly call others queen or something along those lines, though he is not overly masculine himself. It is an interesting subcultural behavior.

  • At 12:14 PM, Blogger reese said…

    LOOOOOVE your blog! I think i'm getting addicted!

  • At 7:54 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said…

    That does sound pretty retarded.

  • At 8:25 PM, Blogger RG said…

    Just started perusing your posts. Very interesting read -- I think I'll be back...

  • At 5:54 AM, Blogger Chris said…

    Hello, you have a wonderful blog, but I can't find your email address, can you please contact me at linkexchange@edenfantasys.com? I have something to discuss with you
    Regards, Chris
    (Please can you delete this comment after your decision?)

  • At 2:42 PM, Blogger kebmo said…

    Wish you were still posting


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