Cyber-sex? Seriously?

What was I thinking?

No, really, WTF?

I work in a profession where gay men are abundant. This is great for other gay men, except there's always the whole, "Dipping your nub in the office ink" bit to contend with.

We've already seen what terrible things can happen by hooking up with guys who END UP working with you (remember the guy who looked familiar to me, and then turned out to be a relatively bad anonymous hook up? DAMN!)

Currently, I've got two very fucked up work relationships going on. One is with a very young guy who found an ad I placed on Craigslist a while back. We'll call him Junior Boy. Well, for some reason, even though I knew he worked for the same company as I did, I just decided to lie and say I USED to work for the company, only now I've since moved on and I now work elsewhere. I thought it was going to be anonymous one-night so-so sex. I mean, really, what is it with this new, clingy generation of anonymous sex fiends? LET IT GO! First there are fucking psychos like Round Peg out there who want to jump me (not in a good, 1998 way), then there are guys that just get hired by your company, and then, there is Junior Boy.

JB is always texting me, asking to hook up. He always asks, "What do you want to do?" WTF kind of question is that? If we hooked once, you know what I want to do, and, Jesus, there really aren't all that many choices (well, at least not for JB; like all members of the oldest profession, I reserve for kink for special occasions). I always want to reply to that question with something like, "Get off, what the fuck else?" But I usually want to keep them coming over. Damn this addiction. It really has brought me in contact with some fucked up folks (note the irony that sentence-- I know, pot, kettle, both black...). Well, Oreo and Todd (my roommates) both work for my company as well and somehow I think Todd ran into JB. (This is due in part to that fact that I received a message from JB asking what my other roommate's name was-- "the gay one" I did, in fact, consider outing Oreo as a big old lesbian, for the record.) I'm not really sure, but I think JB would flip out if he found out we worked for the same company. He's just kind of weird-- in that way that he says he's bi but then really just wants to get off. (Don't even get me started on Straight-acting or bisexual men... I might flip out myself if I get going on that topic).

But then there is PAC man. PAC man is pretty much the exact opposite of JB. PAC man and I met almost a year ago and I totally thought he was hot as hell. He's my type of Latin man with hairy chest and goatee... tall and built. Perfect. But also taken and appeared to have no interest in a fling or two. Fine by me. I didn't see PAC man again until we started working together much more closely in January of 2006. I started to notice he was always checking me out, but it really felt like it always does when older guys look at me-- you know that weird, "Aww, isn't he cute?" look. (P.S. PAC man is like 31, I think, so don't worry about me sleeping with another member of the geriatric word just yet).

Of course, I did a little research on PAC man and found out he has a partner (they all do) and is going to school for some kind of degree (tell you how interested I really was). But then, last night, he responded to an email I had sent. That would have been all fine and good if I hadn't been drunk. I then responded to his email with a thank you for his quick response to mine and asked him how school was going. That would have been all well and good if he hadn't responded by telling me and then mentioning something that I took and ran with. Somehow he said he was glad I was "finally opening up and offering"... At which point, I asked him if we could take the conversation off company email. He have me his screen name and we switched venues rather quickly.

I should mention that up until this point, Oreo and I had been sitting on the sectional flipping between the Food Network and Beetlejuice. Incidentally, we were both marveling at our abilities to flirt so well over the Internet with men we really didn't have anything invested in.

Obviously, I knew when my conversation with PAC Man was going and I needed to get some privacy. As soon as PAC man got chatting, he asked for my email address and sent me a picture of his cock. It wasn't as big as I hoped or had imagined (Cock Shock). But he was proud of it. Somehow, I've managed to make it through the world of online dating without ever taking naked pictures of myself. (I did take a few shots on my camera phone once, come to think, and I also used someone else's pics for a while, but it was just an ass shot, and it's kind of hard to tell. White boys' asses all look the same, right? And, besides, I never got caught). Well PAC man and I started chatting and things seemed to be heading the way of cyber sex.

I know.

I know.

Cyber sex is so 1996. And I knew it. I really did. But the words just gushed. It was like I was going down memory lane. I mean, this is how I passed much of the time in middle school. (ahh... The days before Dateline was arresting all the guys who like dot talk to 12 year old boys... HS SARCASM ALERT: I do not condone being 12 and cyber-fucking with older men, nor do I condone being an older man and cyber-fucking with 12 year-olds. Gross.)

All was going pretty good with our chat session and we were going pretty strong when he drops the whole, "Well, I like and respect you, so I should tell you I have a partner. But he doesn't know about this and we have problems... it is what it is."

I ignored him and told him to sit on my face.

Insensitive is not the correct adjective to describe my cyber sex personality- horny is.

But you know, even after, like, a year's worth of fantasizing about PAC man, I couldn't finish with our cyber sex. I had to think about some past boys to get off just because I was too invested to just let it go and go to bed (without risking a huge case of blue balls). I suppose that means that I'm just not that into him.

It apparently doesn't much matter because he never really responded today and I think it was a one-off encounter. Please explain to me how it is possible that men you have cyber sex with are more capable of pulling one night stands than guys you actually meet!!!??? Whatever happened to manners?

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In other news, I met some new friends tonight whilst out and about with Polly: Betty and Downtown. Great gals that will certainly provide more entertainment in Friday nights to come, I hope!