Another First

The first guy I hooked up with online was easily over 55. If you're keeping score, that means the second guy I slept with was at least 3.5 times older than me. I wouldn't put it past him to say he was in his sixties.

I remember we met on some random night in an AOL chatroom. This was before you had to send pictures, and even though I was only 16, I'm sure I must have lied and said I was 18. Either that or he was happy to get some illegal booty.

However it happened, it was a pretty horrifying experience. In general, I remember being happy he had at least a dick worth looking at. He was fat, old and worst of all, I just felt like I was having sex with my dad. Even at 16, I knew enough about Freud to realize that was pretty fucked up.

My favorite part of being fucked by this guy (who, oddly enough, isn't actually the oldest guy I've fucked) was that afterwards he asked me where I was going to college. He then offered to buy me whatever I wanted (funnily enough, he started by offering me a printer, which is definitely still the weirdest thing anyone has ever offered to me during our post-coital bliss.)

Now, this came long before I actually did start taking money for sex, but at the time I began to wonder why it is that older men always want to offer money for sex. I mean, seriously, I know that being old doesn't make you feel hot, but clearly if you are old there are still horny ass guys like me out there who'll do it anyway.

Apparently you just have to know how to get my attention by typing. Fucking guys off the AOL circuit was certainly pretty easy, it just requires a certain literary knack. And you need to be persistent and have good control of the copy and paste function. (Otherwise you're typing the same self-statistics like 800 times).